Sweetening Relationships with Your Kids

As your kids grow up they change and so do your relationships with them. As they get older, it is even more important to nurture the relationships with your kids. 

Where are those sweet moments cuddling with your precious child? When did the child, once past the toddler years, become this energetic ball of ideas, thoughts, and freely given opinions?

When did the close relationship you crave with your child turn into a series of reprimands rather than nurturing words?

Making Time for Relationships As You Homeschool Your Kids

Welcome to the world of a busy mom, and if you add homeschooling to the mix, you can be sure that your time is precious and your minutes are few. Caring for your child is a priority, but physical needs trump emotional needs.

Relationships get put to the back of the ever-growing mental list of things to do. We always think we have more time, and the next thing we know, we look at work opportunities or college applications.

Ask me how I know. With five children over twenty years, I struggled to care for my child’s spiritual and mental well-being during different seasons of my life. Before I dated my husband, he shared that he was concerned about teaching young children.

His degree was in Education with an emphasis on Physical Education. The reason? He felt responsible for caring for children’s emotional well-being more than their physical fitness.

This was the beginning of an educational emphasis on “feeling good about yourself”; however, even with an Education degree myself, I considered this minor.

We are, after all, educators and not parents. I was concerned with outcomes and education.

Communication and Spending Time Together

As parents, we know that your perspective changes once your baby is placed into your arms. With that perspective change comes the need for children who are well rounded, not only in the sense of their physical needs but education, emotional and spiritual needs.

This is a delicate balance, and one of the best ways to achieve the connection we all crave is through communication and spending time together. The idea of wonderful relationships with our children is forged through hard work and perseverance.

We need to spend time with them, which does not include a cell phone anywhere nearby unless you plan to take a selfie with your child. It means listening to them (even when they ramble) and caring about their concerns, desires, and dreams.

It means looking at them when they talk and encouraging them to look at you. In our family, the best time right is before bedtime, when a child is settled and ready to postpone sleep as long as possible.

This may look different in your family, but many moms and dads have shared this was the sweet spot in their relationship building over the years.

Sweeting Relationships at Bedtime

With a bedtime routine, you can plan to spend time with your child. Once baths, jammies, and teeth are brushed, the relationship-building begins. This can mean sitting at the edge of the bed and asking how their day went.

If siblings share a room, you may include all the children initially, but work with your spouse to single out one child weekly. Even if you know the answer to the questions, asking means you care.

Here are some questions to help you get started:

1. What was your favorite part of today?
2. What are you thankful for? Don’t ask, “Is there anything you are grateful for – but encourage your child to discover something to appreciate.
3. If you could change something about today, what would it be?
4. Are you happy with your schoolwork, artwork, etc.?
5. Did you enjoy: mention something that happened that day.

You don’t need a list, but hopefully, these bring different things to mind. There is always a quiet child in the family, and you may need to help them to share their thoughts.

Start lighthearted at first, then if you ask about a favorite part of the day and they shrug, you can share your favorite part or ask something else.

Sweetening Relationships With Your Kids During the Everyday Routine

As you delve into each other’s lives meaningfully, you will find the questions are unnecessary as the routine is set, and your child can’t wait to share (or complain) about the day.

For chronic complainers, listen, but direct them to something enjoyable and productive. We do want to listen but don’t want to participate in negativity.

Eye contact is essential, and teaching your child to look into your eyes is the key to every disciplinary challenge I’ve faced with some very determined kids. They say that the eyes are the gateway to the soul, and they are in that you will see nuances in their behavior and know how to address their concerns.

Loving your child means more than discipline; while this is very important, it is the main focus of most families. Enjoying each other’s company, seeing the good in the little things, and pleasantly spending time together are the memories we hope to forge with our child.

Listening and Loving No Matter What

Lastly, let your child know that there is nothing, and I mean nothing, that they can’t tell you. My kids would say, “But we don’t want you to freak out!”. I didn’t consider my concern freaking out, but to them, it appeared so, and I had to honor my child’s opinion.

This is not the time to discipline, engage in “I told you so,” or “freak out”! It is, however, a time to listen, and if you are shocked, try to wait until they are finished talking. Then you can ask, “Can I share my thoughts,” or “Can I ask you some questions?”.

Yes, this takes time and practice, but it is worthwhile. Whether you have one child or a houseful, listening as they share their hearts will pay big dividends later.

My college-aged kids called me about people they liked or trying situations. I was blessed to be in their circle of trust. That was the goal we forged and built over the years. That bond is created from birth until adulthood and beyond. The time to begin is now.

More Help for Sweetening Relationships:

My latest podcast is on the very topic of building relationships with kids. There are lots of tips, tricks, ideas and even book suggestions to help you out and encourage you.

Felice Gerwitz is a wife, mother of five graduated homeschoolers, and grandma to eight. She began Media Angels® Publishing while pregnant with her third child and went on to write and produce many books and online conferences. Felice is the founder of the Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network and the Ultimate Christian Podcast Network. Felice invites you to join her on her show Vintage Homeschool Moms, celebrating close to 500 episodes and listed Number One in the Top 20 Best Homeschool Podcasts List.