How to Respond When Your Child Asks the Big Questions

Published:
May 6, 2020

Contributor:
Jeannette Tuionetoa

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It is inevitable. There is no doubt that kids have no filter. They WILL ask you tough questions. Learning how to respond when your child asks the big questions, is tricky but is key to staying prepared.

How to Respond When Your Child Asks the Big Questions

We can’t escape the questions our children will ask us while they are young. We can only hope the question Is not too embarrassing should it come out in front of others.

Like my friend’s daughter asked her why a lady was showing her circulation… circulation, of course, meant cleavage. How about my son asking me why I wanted to lose weight… because he loved my stomach; it was like a pillow. Both of these questions were, yes, in public.

Somehow surpassing the uneasiness and embarrassment of questions we just couldn’t answer for the fright that others overheard, we get other questions as well.

We get “those” questions. Questions that stump us, or put doubt in our minds, or make us feel uncomfortable answering. It’s “those” questions that give us a nauseous feeling in our gut. If you haven’t gotten any just yet, then wait. It is coming.

The questions can range from the simple but too scientific for me to know to the “I do NOT want to answer this right” questions.

Here are just a few I found online so that you are prepared and get an idea of what may be asked:

Is Uncle Hector –who seemed to live a hedonistic life, clearly– in heaven?

What does alcohol taste like?

Why is the sky blue? (NOTE: “Because God made it that way” can only get you so far.)

Why can’t girls walk around without a shirt on, but boys can?

What if you/I die? (This is a heart in stomach question.)

Why does Mary (teen sister) wear girl diapers?

Is marijuana bad? 

What is sex?

Where do babies come from? (CONFESSION TIME: When my son asked me this, I totally messed up. My first reaction was to joke about it, and I said, “I pooped you guys out.”)

Man, oh man, my kids had mortified looks on their faces. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I immediately felt horrible about it. Do NOT do that.

There is a time for joking, and hard questions most likely are not the appropriate time to joke. Don’t judge me.

When it comes to the hard questions, try not to be afraid, but be prepared. That is important in answering the hard questions.

Here is my take on how to respond when your child asks the big questions:

1. Don’t freak out.

This is such a tough one, especially when you do not prepare to be prepared. If you are reading this, chances are you are on the right track. You know your kid will ask you something crazy.

Don’t freak out – even if you are in public. Don’t yank them away from people if you are in public after a hard question. Try not to gasp.

This is a real skill for parents. For instance, my best friend and I had to learn the hard way with our oldest kids that being calm and listening, yet SCREAMING inside, is a good reaction to get kids to keep coming to you.

You don’t want to scare them into never asking a question. So, work on your game face – trust me. Keep calm and listen – scream or cry later if you have to. Those with teenagers may definitely know what I am talking about.

Them coming to you with questions should be associated with being in a safe space.

2. Don’t lie.

The worst thing we can do to our kids is lying to them. We know how it feels when they lie to us. However, on the reverse, as they look to us to guide them, a lie can create an atmosphere of distrust and may eventually even lead to disrespect.

Respect your kids enough to tell them the truth. You will raise children who associate truth with respect and to value it.

I honestly don’t know how some of us lie to our kids about Santa. I have yet to find out how this is OK. If you do this, it’s cool, totally cool for your family to have traditions. It is still a lie, though. Don’t hate me.

When my kids asked me about Santa, I told them the truth. However, I still LOVE Santa. Like the fictional stories of Santa and Frosty the Snowman. I associate that with the joy of the Christmas season, he surely isn’t dropping off presents through the chimney – We don’t even have a chimney. ;-)

3. Admit when you need more time to think of the answer.

Take a deep breath; maybe give a “Woooooow, great question.” That is always a buffer. Train yourself to say, “Wow, that is a great question.” Stall that bad boy until you can grab your wits about you and tell your kids you may have to get back to them.

It is totally OK to let your kids know you are human and don’t have all the answers. If you tell your child, you will get back to them, and please remember to get back to them. If you are trying to get out of answering a tough question, then revert to #2.

4. Don’t take the questions too seriously.

Know that nothing is wrong with you or your child – drastically wrong anyway. Kids are naturally curious. They want to know about the world all around them.

If you get asked a question about people being gay, it doesn’t mean your child is gay. It just means they honestly want to know what you think. They want to know why and how to find the truth.

5. Point them to God’s Word and the cross.

This response trumps all other reactions. Do you want to train a child in the way they should go? They can’t go far in the kingdom without God’s word.

I read this article that made me crack up. It was called Kids Ask Hard Questions at the See Jamie blog. She told her husband that her deep-thinking little boy is going to make her go to seminary just to be able to answer his questions.

Although this made me laugh, it also made me think of how the Lord uses our children. Out of the mouth of babes, we seek Him. Out of the mouth of babes, we learn to ask the tough questions and not be afraid to ask the Lord for guidance.

Pray. Pray the Lord to fill them up with understanding. Pray that your children will keep that eagerness to know the truth. Pray that the Lord never leaves them, but lead them towards Him no matter what.

Pray your child is as free to turn to God’s Word for answers, as he is open to ask you the hard questions.

Stay prepared to answer, stay prayed up for your kids.

To stay prepared, grab some of these tools that you can keep handy to help you discuss and answer the hard questions:

FREE Discussion Guide from Happy Teacher Mama

5 Reasons to Teach Apologetics To Your Children from Teach Me Apologetics

How to Talk So that Your Kids Will Listen from Proverbial Homemaker

Talking so Children Will Listen

Cute Story about the Tough Questions from a guest post on A Momma’s Joy

Hard Questions Children Ask in Grief by True & Faithful

Questions At The Most Inopportune Times from A Fine Parent

10 Reasons Talking With Your Kids About the Bible is Important

10 Reasons Talking With Your Kids About the Bible is Important

Tough Questions: A Quick Guide (Note: Not Christ-centered, but still informative.) from NPR

How to Respond When Your Child Asks You Questions You Can’t Answer  from Parent Cue

Simple Tips for Conducting an Effective Family Meeting (FREE Printable Agenda) by Simply Snapping

10 Printable Discussion Starters from True Life, I’m a Teacher

Keep these resources handy. They really helped me out and even help others we know when they are going through the tough questions at home.

How to Respond When Your Child Asks the Big Questions