Dear Wife Who Bashes Her Husband on Social Media

When I was separated from my husband I was super judgmental of women who spoke negatively about their husbands. When I heard women talking badly about their husbands, it stung my ears like one of those high pitch sounds a speaker makes next to a microphone. Dear wives, refrain from bashing your husband on social media or anywhere for that matter.

>> To read all the posts in the “managing our mouths” series, click here. 

The Keep Quiet Challenge – Learning How to Manage Your Mouth – Click here to learn more!

 

When he was gone it felt as though I spoke with women who complained about their husbands all the time. I just couldn’t be around it. I would boil inside to hear them complain about their lazy or distant husbands.

I would hear complaints of husbands watching television as soon as they got home. I would tell the women to appreciate that their husband is even home to watch the television all day. They would complain about husbands not taking the trash out or playing videos late at night. In my mind, I couldn’t help but think how ungrateful these women were that they had husbands that even cared to be home with them.

One time I was with two ladies outside of church, and one lady was demeaning her husband in front of us (he wasn’t around). The other lady chimed in. I just looked at them and told them they should be ashamed of themselves. They should be lifting their husbands up instead of tearing them down — at least they had husbands that were actually trying.

It is a slippery slope. One woman starts bad mouthing her husband and the others chime in about theirs like a pot belly spilling out of a size-too-small pair of jeans.

I could have said it nicer and with more grace to these ladies, but one of the ladies thanked me later for pointing out her bashing.

That being said… when my husband and I reconciled, I found myself right back in the place where I was judging these women — complaining about my husband. I at least had the sense to not publicly dishonor him, but in my heart, mind, and to his face — I was tearing him to shreds.

I get it, fellow wives. It is a struggle to live with him. If they have wronged you, it is even harder to keep quiet and not bash them – after all, they owe us. Right? Wrong.

What is the point of telling everyone on social media your husband forgot your birthday, again?

Have you no shame in calling your husband your third child in front of the world?

Men bashing memes are all over the internet. I have been guilty of laughing or agreeing with one or two. I am ashamed to admit it. We may be saying these things in jest, but I am a strong believer that 50% of what people say “in jest” is how they really feel.

We need to put this foolishness away.

How many problems would it solve if the partakers in a family follow Gods perfect plan for them?

Husbands love their wives in the same way that Christ loves His church (Ephesians 5:25, 33)

Wives respect your husbands and submit to their leadership (Ephesians 5:22–24, 33; 1 Peter 3:1).

Bashing your husbands in no way, shape, or form respects him. It is, in fact, dishonoring him. In bashing him, you are clearly disobeying God. Don’t believe me?

Paul writes, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

Ephesians 5:21 says we ought to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” It doesn’t say to submit because we are a lesser being or because men are more important than women.

It says to submit because we reverence Christ. Submission is exactly the opposite of what our flesh wants to do, we have a desire to rule and have our own way.

As I say these words, I feel a creeping feeling in my heart that wants to ask, “Well, what about him? Why doesn’t HE try to love me like Christ loves the church?”

I am sure some of you feel the same. However, God’s Word does not tell us to respect our husband IF he loves us like Christ loves the church. He just says to do it.

I know women who literally get angry when scriptures are read about the role of a woman in a marriage. Why are you mad at God, woman? HE clearly tells us about our role. It is in no way demeaning or lesser than a man. Our role is strong and needed, yet it has its place.

Our role is to be our husband’s helper in the hierarchy of a family structure (Genesis 2:18). Helper does not mean lesser.

The word helper is also used for the Lord in Psalm 33:20 and Psalm 124:8 “We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.” Even the Holy Spirit is described as our helper in John 14:17, 26.

Getting offended by our role as a helper is unbiblical at the very least. Bashing our husbands does not help him in the slightest, but robs him of respect.

It all boils down to this. When we meet our judge, Christian, we meet Him alone. We don’t give an account for our spouse, but we give an account for what we have done in His name. Our following God’s Word has nothing to do with how our husbands are reacting toward us; that is up to Him and God.

Every time someone obeys God, there is always a blessing that follows. Obeying the Lord will bring blessing to you and honoring God in this will speak volumes to your husband without even saying a word.

Will you pray with me?

Lord, thank for my husband. In his faults and weaknesses, he still is your child. Whether HE knows you or not, we still can fulfill the call we have to honor him in our words and respect towards him. Since the fall women have had the desire to rule over their husbands, and Lord, that has brought us nothing but strife. Help me to remember that my children are watching me and will follow suit with what comes out of my mouth. Help me to keep quiet in any inkling of desire to bash my husband, children or anyone else. Help him to love me as Christ loves the church.

Amen.

Note: Woman, if this infuriated you, please examine yourself. 

If you are being abused or your husband is in unrepentant, continual adultery, abuse etc. Please get help. This is not OK. Do it the right way and get biblical help now.